Is Your Past Making Your Decisions for You?
Blog post description.
Have you ever wondered why you react so strongly to certain situations?
Maybe someone says something relatively harmless, but it bothers you for the rest of the day.
Maybe an opportunity comes along that you would like to pursue, but something inside you immediately says, “No. Don’t do it.”
Maybe you second-guess decisions you have already made.
Or perhaps you know that a particular fear doesn’t make sense—but knowing that doesn’t make the fear disappear.
We often assume these reactions are simply part of who we are, so we say to ourselves: “That’s just how I am.”
But what if they aren’t?
When yesterday shows up today
Every one of us has a past.
We have experienced rejection, disappointment, embarrassment, loss, failure, criticism, betrayal and moments we wish had turned out differently.
The event itself may have ended years ago.
But sometimes our reaction to it didn’t.
Someone betrayed your trust, so now you have difficulty trusting.
You failed at something important, so now you hesitate to try again.
Someone made you feel inadequate, and years later you still question whether you are good enough.
You made a bad decision once, and now you agonize over every important decision because you’re afraid of making another mistake.
The original situation is over.
Yet somehow it is still participating in your life.
That raises an interesting question: How many decisions that we believe we are making today are actually being influenced by yesterday?
Two people, same event—different futures
Consider two people who experience rejection.
One thinks: “Okay. That didn't work. I'll find another way.”
The other thinks: “I knew it. I'm not good enough.”
Same event.
Completely different future.
The rejection itself didn't determine what happened next. What each person carried forward from that experience did.
This helps explain why two people can go through similar difficulties and emerge very differently.
One becomes stronger and more determined.
The other becomes more cautious, uncertain or afraid.
And sometimes we don't even realize this is happening.
We just know:
“I don't know why that bothers me so much.”
“I don't know why I reacted that way.”
“I know this fear doesn't make sense.”
“Why do I keep doing this?”
“Why can't I just make a decision and trust myself?”
Those are important questions.
Because perhaps the fear, uncertainty or self-doubt you've been carrying isn't an accurate reflection of who you are at all.
What if you could see the present clearly?
Imagine being able to look at the person standing in front of you and see that person—rather than unconsciously comparing them with someone who hurt you years ago.
Imagine looking at a new opportunity based on what is possible today rather than what failed last time.
Imagine making an important decision without an endless stream of second-guessing afterward.
Imagine experiencing a difficult situation and being able to stop, look, think and decide how you want to respond—instead of automatically reacting.
That's a very different kind of freedom.
We usually think of freedom as having enough money, enough time or enough independence to do what we want.
But there is another kind of freedom that may be even more important:
The freedom to think your own thoughts.
To make your own decisions.
To communicate freely.
To trust your own observations.
To love without constantly protecting yourself from an old hurt.
To try something new without hearing the echoes of everything that went wrong before.
To create your future without continually fighting your past.
What is really holding you back?
It's easy to look outside ourselves for the reason we haven't moved forward.
The economy.
Our boss.
Our spouse.
Our parents.
Our circumstances.
Other people's opinions.
And certainly, outside circumstances can create real obstacles.
But sometimes the biggest barrier is something much closer.
Something we haven't confronted yet.
Something we automatically react to.
Something we're afraid will happen again.
Something from the past that still has influence over what we're willing to do today.
And when we begin removing those barriers, something remarkable can happen.
We get more of ourselves back.
Our attention.
Our certainty.
Our confidence.
Our ability to communicate.
Our willingness to confront difficult situations.
Our willingness to try.
Our ability to decide.
Our desire to create.
Perhaps personal growth isn't about becoming somebody else.
Perhaps it's about removing the things that prevent you from being fully you.
Who could you be?
Here's a question worth spending some time with: Who could you become if nothing from your past had the power to stop you?
Who would you be without the voice saying:
Don't try.
Don't trust.
You'll probably make the wrong decision.
Don't embarrass yourself.
Don't get your hopes up.
Don't take the risk.
Remember what happened last time.
What if instead you could look at your life as it actually exists today and ask:
What is really here?
What do I actually want?
What do I want to create now?
Your future doesn't have to be an endless reaction to your past.
There may be far more confidence, ability, certainty and creativity within you than you've been able to access.
And perhaps one of life's greatest adventures is discovering just how much of you is still there.
Waiting to rise.